There was a knock at the door last night. It was Stephen. I didn't expect him back so soon. He was to stay in a detox center for two weeks. He got cleaned out in only one week. We're back to chaos, noise, clutter and disruption. I love my grandson, but can't stand all this disorganization. His space in the room He shares with his brother is a mess. At the moment, they're both messy. Then, there is the telephone. His girlfriend calls all the time. There were times when she called every ten minutes. If I answered, she would hang up. She thinks I am rude because I get annoyed with the phone calls. Finally I told Stephen last night, that only one phone calls from Allyson would have to do it. One call a day. Get your thoughts organized and say what you have to say. The rest can wait for the next day.
Today I plan on making a point of their stuff that is all over. I told Stephen He could hang his suit in my closet. He took over the entire closet. I shall correct this taking advantage of me right away. Stephen isn't staying with me on a permanent basis. He is waiting for another residential program. I said He could store his things in my garage....not all over the floor. Today shall be laundry day, sorting and packing up for storage.
The same goes for Chris. I am loaning him a dresser and a work table. These pieces have to go to Melba Street to be set up. His electronics shall be next to be moved. Chris starts a job the middle of November. When He starts work, he is to leave my house, along with all of his possessions. When Chris leaves, Stephen will be asked to leave, too. I feel I am being taken advantage of. Where is the line between helping family members and being taken advantage of? I think We're now past the point of helping. They're young men, not kids. They can stand on their own feet, pay their bills and be responsible for themselves.
Today I plan on making a point of their stuff that is all over. I told Stephen He could hang his suit in my closet. He took over the entire closet. I shall correct this taking advantage of me right away. Stephen isn't staying with me on a permanent basis. He is waiting for another residential program. I said He could store his things in my garage....not all over the floor. Today shall be laundry day, sorting and packing up for storage.
The same goes for Chris. I am loaning him a dresser and a work table. These pieces have to go to Melba Street to be set up. His electronics shall be next to be moved. Chris starts a job the middle of November. When He starts work, he is to leave my house, along with all of his possessions. When Chris leaves, Stephen will be asked to leave, too. I feel I am being taken advantage of. Where is the line between helping family members and being taken advantage of? I think We're now past the point of helping. They're young men, not kids. They can stand on their own feet, pay their bills and be responsible for themselves.
Labels: disorganization, taking advantage
posted by gardenbug at Saturday, October 27, 2007
3 Comments:
Indeed. They're both adults. They need to learn to take care of themselves. I'm glad I had the common sense and the proper guidance to take responsibilty for myself. I hope they learn the same. It seems like everyone's falling into the same habits -- my mother, Robert, Chris, Stephen, Andy -- and no one wants to wake up and smell the coffee. The real world has so much to offer if they get their minds right and seize the day. I really worry about our family sometimes.
There is plenty of evidence to worry about. Our family seems to not have the ability to set goals, gather the stuff needed to meet the goal...and to go for it. We have poor time management habits. We can't seem to do without things We want, temporarily, in order to focus our energy and resources on what should come first. Both Chris, Andy and stephen seem to feel that others have a responsibility to help them. The truth is "God helps those who help themselves." My time is short, so I am resigning from the helping role...and trying to make me feel guilty about this decision isn't going to cut it with me.
As well as "God helps those who help themselves," I would like to add "Life is what you make it." This is something I've told myself often. It gives me the understanding to make intelligent decisions. You can mold and shape your life into what you want. You don't have to accept the limits and boundaries created by society. You can create your own. I don't like it when people use their current situation as an excuse. If you don't like something, change it!
I don't know why you would feel guilty. You've done nothing wrong, in fact, you've done everything right. You've done everything you can to help your family, without any obligation to do so. It is not your responsibility to improve the lives of others, it is their responsibility to better themselves. You've taught them everything you know, over and over again. My cousins are 30 years old... if they don't get it into their heads now, they'll be destined to live a life of never-ending habit, denial of one's responsibility, and general unhappiness, by the time they're 40... like my mother. At least Chris has a car now. Let me know how things are with his job.
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