Two thoughts for today The first one was a glorious impression before rising to start the day. I live in Connecticut. Winter means snow and overcast skies. .
October starts with a blaze of color. As the month progresses, the beautiful fall foliage color fades to tan. Then the leaves fall off the trees. By the first of November, a large cloud cover blocks the sun. The trees are bare branches. The air is chilly. I don't get to see the sun for six months. Sometimes there are sunny days in winter, but not too many.
I hate to see the fall color fade. A low grade depression comes upon me as the cloud cover blocks the sun. Then comes the morning after the first snowfall. I wake in my bedroom, full of light. The snow covers the ground, reflecting light into my room. I have flashbacks to being a little girl, awakening to the same sensual event....snow light.
There is peace in remembering being little, waking in my bed and seeing the all white world out side my window. Mom and Dad are in the house and all is right with the world. I remember the room, the Priscilla curtains that my mother had hung, the smells of breakfast, the creak and groan of the furnace, sounds of people moving about, starting their day. For a moment, I don't have to get up. The little girl that was and the adult that is, doesn't have to do anything but enjoy being warm in bed and feeling cozy.
The second impression is of letting something precious go. There is a stage of life where I have watched those older than me, die. Parents, aunts and uncles, the neighbors, favorite teachers.
Even movie stars of my generation are dying. They don't know who I am, but the movies were important to me . Those personalities on the screen played a big part of my life. I knew the actors and actresses, as if they were my neighbors. Their adventures on the screen were my escape. When they die, they leave a big hole in my life ,the same as in the lives of all of their other fans. Not only in the movies, but personalities in the news die. Katheryn Hepburn, Audrey Hepburn, Jackie Kennedy, Grace Kelly.....wonderful models of successful womenkind. As they leave the earth, a page turns. We're on a new page, unfamiliar. There is no alternative but to cope with the new,...stepping into unknown territory.
I am living in a strange world....this "today". I don't relate to the music on the radio. I don't want the latest electronic gadgets. Buses and mailboxes are disappearing along with the front porch that used to be on every house in my neighborhood. Hair styles and fashions are messy. There are no sidewalks next to the road...and what happened to neighborhood schools? Home cooked meals? Where are all the kids I went to school with?
My neighbor, age 86, has called me. His truck won't start and He has errends to do. Will I drive him? Of course I will. We arrange to eat breakfast together at Maxine's...the local diner. A. comes too. My neighbor is in decline. He loses breath easily. If I don't raise my voice to speak to him, he answers, "what? What?". He loses his balance when walking and walks too slow for me. F. joins us at the diner. F. is also in his 80s. The four of us talk. Mostly the two older men talk about what the town was like before I got here. The fields are gone...taken over by a housing development. Where there was a seed company, is now a mall. There used to be a lot of blue crabs in the bay. Now there are only a few. Same thing for lobster. You can still catch bass, but better not eat a lot of them because of mercury poisoning.
My neighbor has lost over 30 pounds this year. His face is wrinkled. His hair is thin. He is frustrated that He can't fix his truck. He used to be able to fix anything mechanical. Is it the new engineering? He complains about being constantly cold. In the car, I make a point of turning up the heater. There are projects all over my neighbor's house. He states He would like to complete this one and that one. Defeated man, the projects sit and collect in his house. We both know He will never finish them.
October starts with a blaze of color. As the month progresses, the beautiful fall foliage color fades to tan. Then the leaves fall off the trees. By the first of November, a large cloud cover blocks the sun. The trees are bare branches. The air is chilly. I don't get to see the sun for six months. Sometimes there are sunny days in winter, but not too many.
I hate to see the fall color fade. A low grade depression comes upon me as the cloud cover blocks the sun. Then comes the morning after the first snowfall. I wake in my bedroom, full of light. The snow covers the ground, reflecting light into my room. I have flashbacks to being a little girl, awakening to the same sensual event....snow light.
There is peace in remembering being little, waking in my bed and seeing the all white world out side my window. Mom and Dad are in the house and all is right with the world. I remember the room, the Priscilla curtains that my mother had hung, the smells of breakfast, the creak and groan of the furnace, sounds of people moving about, starting their day. For a moment, I don't have to get up. The little girl that was and the adult that is, doesn't have to do anything but enjoy being warm in bed and feeling cozy.
The second impression is of letting something precious go. There is a stage of life where I have watched those older than me, die. Parents, aunts and uncles, the neighbors, favorite teachers.
Even movie stars of my generation are dying. They don't know who I am, but the movies were important to me . Those personalities on the screen played a big part of my life. I knew the actors and actresses, as if they were my neighbors. Their adventures on the screen were my escape. When they die, they leave a big hole in my life ,the same as in the lives of all of their other fans. Not only in the movies, but personalities in the news die. Katheryn Hepburn, Audrey Hepburn, Jackie Kennedy, Grace Kelly.....wonderful models of successful womenkind. As they leave the earth, a page turns. We're on a new page, unfamiliar. There is no alternative but to cope with the new,...stepping into unknown territory.
I am living in a strange world....this "today". I don't relate to the music on the radio. I don't want the latest electronic gadgets. Buses and mailboxes are disappearing along with the front porch that used to be on every house in my neighborhood. Hair styles and fashions are messy. There are no sidewalks next to the road...and what happened to neighborhood schools? Home cooked meals? Where are all the kids I went to school with?
My neighbor, age 86, has called me. His truck won't start and He has errends to do. Will I drive him? Of course I will. We arrange to eat breakfast together at Maxine's...the local diner. A. comes too. My neighbor is in decline. He loses breath easily. If I don't raise my voice to speak to him, he answers, "what? What?". He loses his balance when walking and walks too slow for me. F. joins us at the diner. F. is also in his 80s. The four of us talk. Mostly the two older men talk about what the town was like before I got here. The fields are gone...taken over by a housing development. Where there was a seed company, is now a mall. There used to be a lot of blue crabs in the bay. Now there are only a few. Same thing for lobster. You can still catch bass, but better not eat a lot of them because of mercury poisoning.
My neighbor has lost over 30 pounds this year. His face is wrinkled. His hair is thin. He is frustrated that He can't fix his truck. He used to be able to fix anything mechanical. Is it the new engineering? He complains about being constantly cold. In the car, I make a point of turning up the heater. There are projects all over my neighbor's house. He states He would like to complete this one and that one. Defeated man, the projects sit and collect in his house. We both know He will never finish them.
posted by gardenbug at Sunday, December 18, 2005
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