Good day, reader. I spent about half an hour writing an introduction to this blog. My internet server disconnected me and I lost it all...thought I had saved it as a draft but am unable to find it. It is floating in cyberspace, I presume.
I am a 68 year old female, widowed and at the stage in life where I ask myself if I've accomplished anything. There are expectations I had about this stage of life. Disappointed to experience that I am not where I had hoped to be.
Probably like you, I worked hard to meet the challenges that life put before me....and coped very well, but it was not satisfying. I learned that the people around me were not nuturing and uplifting. They all wanted something from me. That's fine. If it works two ways, but it did not.
Some days I am very angry. So, this blog is an outlet to disappointment and anger.
Why, I ask myself, do some people get an education, get a job in their field and stay at that job until they retire? I've had to train and train and re-train. It is not that I am bad at what I do for a living. On the contrary. I have won awards for excellence. It is just that husband gets transferred and I have to quit, or the government downsizes and my job goes, or the company disassembles the department and once again, my job goes.
Why do some people marry and stay with that spouse all their life? I've been widowed 3 times.
In retirement, it is time to enjoy the fire, a glass of wine, a pleasant conversation with one's spouse about family, about the world, about philosophy. I find myself looking at the wall, reading a book, or working in the garden....alone. My heart aches for a hug.
Now I'm really goes to whine. When I am in charge, it goes right along without a hitch. You're reading words written by a competent gardenbug. However, when it comes to relationships, it takes two people. At this challenge, I am a complete failure.
There are plenty of people in my community who have respect for me. They smile when I come into the room or office. My family loves me...even my sons-in-law. I am a supportive mother-in-law. But But But, where is that person who supplies intimacy?
I am a 68 year old female, widowed and at the stage in life where I ask myself if I've accomplished anything. There are expectations I had about this stage of life. Disappointed to experience that I am not where I had hoped to be.
Probably like you, I worked hard to meet the challenges that life put before me....and coped very well, but it was not satisfying. I learned that the people around me were not nuturing and uplifting. They all wanted something from me. That's fine. If it works two ways, but it did not.
Some days I am very angry. So, this blog is an outlet to disappointment and anger.
Why, I ask myself, do some people get an education, get a job in their field and stay at that job until they retire? I've had to train and train and re-train. It is not that I am bad at what I do for a living. On the contrary. I have won awards for excellence. It is just that husband gets transferred and I have to quit, or the government downsizes and my job goes, or the company disassembles the department and once again, my job goes.
Why do some people marry and stay with that spouse all their life? I've been widowed 3 times.
In retirement, it is time to enjoy the fire, a glass of wine, a pleasant conversation with one's spouse about family, about the world, about philosophy. I find myself looking at the wall, reading a book, or working in the garden....alone. My heart aches for a hug.
Now I'm really goes to whine. When I am in charge, it goes right along without a hitch. You're reading words written by a competent gardenbug. However, when it comes to relationships, it takes two people. At this challenge, I am a complete failure.
There are plenty of people in my community who have respect for me. They smile when I come into the room or office. My family loves me...even my sons-in-law. I am a supportive mother-in-law. But But But, where is that person who supplies intimacy?
posted by gardenbug at Monday, August 15, 2005
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